Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
