This girl is more easily done than said...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
