i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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