hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
