I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
