i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
