Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
