He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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