Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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