Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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