Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
false alarm. still invincible.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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