Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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