shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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