Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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