C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he thought i was a dude.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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