he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
