Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
