the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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