You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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