After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize