i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
