It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
