You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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