smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
