Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
