she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
