I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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