Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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