I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
