After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize