Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
