you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
