She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
