I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
ok first of all what the fuck
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
