Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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