So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
