I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
