I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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