My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
