I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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