remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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