Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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