If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize