Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
