when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
