Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
