U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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