Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
