and she was petting her beer can
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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