I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize