The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
