White coat. Heels.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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