Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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