Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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