I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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