I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize