guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
