I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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