i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
