I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
