She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
