If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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