I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
