if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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