dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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