We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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