I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
