There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
