hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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