At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
