Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
