I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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