my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
