I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
