If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
