I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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