oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
