Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize