Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
In other news, I just burned my penis
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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