yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
