We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
