My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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