The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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