sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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