Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got inside last night via doggy door
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
