Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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