Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
