arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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