I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
