Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
