the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
