the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
