i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
