Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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