Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
