If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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