david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
