I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
