I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
