I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize