I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
