That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
