i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
