thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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