I looked at my own cervix.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
