My cat gives me a boner
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
