i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
