i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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