now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
